Exposing Fake Myth : Muslim women are forced in marriage?

There is a halal arranged marriage and a haram one. It is OK to arrange marriages by suggestion and recommendation as long as both parties are agreeable. The other arranged marriage is when parents choose the future spouse and the couple concerned is forced or have no choice in the matter.  One of the conditions of a valid marriage is consent of the couple.

Marriage by definition is a voluntary union of two people.

Islam has honoured woman is by giving her the right to choose her husband. Her parents have no right to force her to marry someone she dislikes. The Muslim woman knows this right, but she does not reject the advice and guidance of her parents when a potential suitor comes along, because they have her best interests at heart, and they have more experience of life and people. At the same time, she does not forego this right because of her father’s wishes that may make him force his daughter into a marriage with someone she dislikes.

“A girl came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and informed him that her father had married her to her cousin against her wishes, where upon the Prophet allowed her to exercise her choice. She then said, ‘I am reconciled to what my father did but I wanted to make it known to women that fathers have no right to say in this matter”. [Narrated by Imam Bukhari See Fath al Bari, 9/194, Kitab al-nikah, bab ikrah al-bint ‘ala al-zawaj; Ibn Majah, 1/602, Kitab al-nikah, bab man zawwaja ibnatahu wa hiya karihah; al-Mabsut 5/2.]

There are many other texts that support the couple in this sensitive issue, another same report quoted by Imam Bukhari from al-Khansa’ bint Khidam:

“My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him). He said to me: `Accept what your father has arranged.’ I said, `I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.’ He said, `Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.’ I said, `I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them”

At first, the Prophet (Peace be upon him) told al-Khansa’ to obey her father, and this is as it should be, because the concern of fathers for their daughters’ well-being is well-known. But when he realized that her father wanted to force her into a marriage she did not want, he gave her the freedom to choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into an unwanted marriage.
Islam does not want to impose an unbearable burden man or woman by forcing them to marry someone whom they dislike, because it wants marriages to be successful, based on compatibility between the partners; there should be common ground between them in terms of physical looks, attitudes, habits, inclinations and aspirations.

A warning from the Scholars against the invalidity of forced marriages within Islaam.

“Do not prevent them from marrying their husbands when they agree between themselves in a lawful manner.” [Noble Quran 2:232]

1. Question: Is it permissible for a father to compel his daughter into a marriage with someone she does not desire?
Answer: It is not permissible for the father or someone besides him to compel the one who is under his guardianship to marry someone she does not desire to marry. Rather, it is necessary to seek her consent and permission due to the saying of the Messenger (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam):

The virgin is not to be married until her consent has been sought. They said: O Messenger of Allaah! What is her consent? He replied: Her silence. And in another wording: And regarding the virgin, her father seeks her consent and her consent is her silence.

Therefore it is obligatory upon the father when she reaches the age of nine or greater that he asks for her consent. It is likewise for her guardians, they do not marry her without her consent. This is obligatory upon all of them. Whoever marries his daughter without permission/consent then the marriage is not correct because one of the conditions of the marriage is the consent and pleasure of both parties. So if he marries her without her being pleased with it and compels her with strong threats or even beating, the marriage is not valid…

It is required from the prospective husband, when he knows that she does not desire him for marriage, that he does not pursue the matter even if her father facilitates this for him (give him permission). It is obligatory for him to fear Allaah and not to come to the woman who does not want him for marriage… It is obligatory for him to beware of what Allaah has made unlawful upon him and this is because the Messenger (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) ordered the girls consent to be sought (first).

Shaikh Bin Baaz in Fataawal-Mar’ah Vol. 2. p.50

2. Question: I have a sister and my father married her to someone without seeking her opinion and without her being pleased with it. She is twenty-one years of age and he made a false testimony for the marriage contract (saying) that the girl agrees to the marriage… So what is the ruling regarding this marriage contract…?

Answer: …However the correct saying in this matter is that it is not lawful for the father or any one else to compel the girl into marriage with someone she does not desire even if he is suitable, because the Messenger (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said:

Do not marry the virgin until her permission has been sought. And this is general – no one is exempted from it, not (even) her guardians. It is reported in Saheeh Muslim: The virgin, her father is to seek her consent… Shaikh Ibn Uthaimeen in Fataawal-Mar’ah Vol. 1. p.47

Another Fatwa from “Al-Masa’il ul-Mardiniyyah” Translated by Abu `Abdullah Muhammad al-Jibali

May a father force his virgin daughter who attained puberty to marry? Two well-known opinions in this regard are reported from Ahmad: That he may compel her. This is also the opinion of Malik, ash-Shafi`i, and others.

That he may not. This is also the opinion of Abu Hanifah and others, and is the correct one.

People have differed as to the reason permitting the compulsion: whether it is virginity, the daughter being under-aged, or a combination of both. The closest opinion to the truth is her being under-aged, whereas no one can compel a grown-up virgin in marriage. Abu Hurayrah reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

“A non-virgin woman may not be married without her command, and a virgin may not be married without her permission; and enough permission for her is to remain silent (because of her natural shyness).” [Al-Bukhari, Muslim, and others]

Thus the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), prohibits forcing a virgin in marriage without her permission, whether it be her father or someone else. Furthermore, Ayshah said that she asked the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) “In the case of a young girl whose parents marry her, should her permission be sought or not?” He replied, “Yes, she must give her permission.” She then said, “But a virgin will be shy, O Allah’s Messenger.” He answered:

“Her silence is [considered as] her permission.” [Al-Bukhari, Muslim, and others]

This applies to the father as well as others. Furthermore, Islam does not give the father the right to use any of her wealth without her permission, how then could he be allowed to decide, without her permission, how her body (which is more important than her wealth) is to be used, specially when she disagrees to that and is mature to decide for herself?

Also, there is evidence and consensus in Islam to restrict an underage person’s free control of his wealth or person. However, to make a virginity a reason for the restriction contradicts the Islamic basis.

As for the difference between the non-virgin and virgin in the hadith of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), it is not a differentiation between compulsion and non-compulsion; the difference between the two cases is that (a) the former gives her instructions for the marriage whereas the latter gives permission, and that (b) the virgin’s silence counts as a permission. The reason for this is that a virgin would be shy to discuss the matter of marriage, so she is not proposed to directly; rather, her walee (guardian) is approached, he takes her permission, and then she gives him the permission not the command to marry her.

And as for a non-virgin, she would not have the shyness of virginity anymore; thus she can discuss the matter of her marriage, she can be proposed to, and she gives the command to her wali to perform the marriage, and he must obey her.

Thus the wali is command-executor in the case of the non-virgin, and is permission-seeker in the case of the virgin. This is what the Prophet’s words indicate. As for compelling her to marry despite her loathing to do so, this would contradict the fundamentals and reason. Allah did not permit a wali to force her to sell or rent her property without her permission. Neither did He permit him to force her to eat or drink or wear that which she does not wish. How would He then oblige her to accompany and copulate with a person whose company she hates – at the time when Allah has sent between the two spouses love and mercy? If such company happens despite her hatred and repulsion, where is the love and mercy?

More Ahadiths proving that It is Prohibited to Marry woman without her will

Narrated AbuHurayrah: “The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: An orphan virgin girl should be consulted about herself; if she says nothing that indicates her permission, but if she refuses, the authority of the guardian cannot be exercised against her will. (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2088)”

Narrated Abdullah ibn Umar: ”The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: Consult women about (the marriage of) their daughters. (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2090)”

Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas: ”A virgin came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and mentioned that her father had married her against her will, so the Prophet (peace be upon him) allowed her to exercise her choice. (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2091)”

Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas: ”The Prophet (peace be uponhim) said: A guardian has no concern with a woman previously married and has no husband, and an orphan girl (i.e. virgin) must be consulted, her silence being her acceptance. (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2095)”